What if?
by Bubblegum234
Summary: Remember, in Clockwork Prince, Will made a complete and utter fool of himself at the 'den of vice? Well, what if it was him Tessa had gone to, and not Jem?
1. Chapter 1

Tessa knew she should speak to Jem, should comfort him. Will drugging himself into an opium haze had not been easy for him. Strangely enough, it was Will she was more concerned about. Such vehement disregard for his safety, especially in the absence of demons, was uncharacteristic. She also knew that Jem would like some solitude, with his violin, to regain his composure after the events of that evening. So, she slid on a dressing gown and hurried off to Will's room.

On opening the door, the sight that greeted her was what she had expected; William Herondale swathed in a blanket and fast asleep. She was about to head back to her own chambers when something caught her eye. Will seemed restless, tossing back and forth. She scurried over to his side. His eyes were clenched shut, brow covered in sweat. Seeing Cyril's bloodstained handkerchief on his nightstand, she picked it up and used the clean part of it to wipe away the sweat. He woke up at the contact, a garbled cry leaving his lips, which ended as soon as his eyes focused on Tessa. "Tess," he mumbled before pulling her into a fierce and desperate kiss, as though he needed her to save himself from drowning in the terror of his nightmare. Tessa found herself reacting to him; pushing herself closer to him and winding her fingers into his shirt, feeling the iron corded muscles underneath. She lost her sense of space and time. He made her feel alive and heated, bathed in the glow of the sun, bright in its passage to the other side of the world in a luminous orange sunset. _Sunset!_ Immediately, she relived that incident on the roof and the memory of his words bit her as sharply as they had then: There is no future for a shadowhunter who dallies with warlocks.

Steeling her resolve Tessa pushes him away. "No Will," she said firmly, "This cannot go on. You might be alright with kissing me at one moment and pushing me away in the next, but I am not. And I won't proceed with whatever it is that we have until you explain yourself to me." Will looked at her as though she had tied him to a railway track just as the train was approaching; as though his demise was imminent. He opened his mouth to say something and then shut it again. Taking a deep breath, he said, "Couldn't you just go along with it?" His tone was dead, devoid of hope, as though he knew how pathetic his wishful thinking was simply had to try once. Tessa almost felt sorry for him and would have given in if she hadn't steeled herself at the last moment, "No Will, I cannot 'just play along'. I require you to tell me where we're headed, if anywhere at all. I need to know what this means to you. Until you tell me why you do all that you do, I cannot, will not, have these trysts with you." Will looked up at the ceiling, his shoulders hunched, and said, "Ask something else of me, anything else. I cannot answer this question. Do not ask this of me Tessa, for I won't be able to answer you truthfully."

"There is nothing else I wish to know."

"Nothing at all?"

"No Will."

"And there's nothing I can do to convince you to trust me?"

"Besides telling the truth? No."

"I have told you that I can't disclose it."

"I don't see why not."

"I just can't."

"Can't, or won't?"

"Can't and, therefore, won't."

"I see," Tessa rubbed her hands together, "Well, I'll call it a night then." She walked backwards till her back hit the polished wood of the door, her eyes not once leaving Will's. When her back did hit the door, she twisted her arm behind her and twisted the doorknob. She only looked away from the blue eyes pleading with her until there was a thick layer of mahogany between them.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Will was late for breakfast. So late that Jem had actually volunteered to go and check on him. He had been about to leave when Will had entered, with dark shadows under his eyes, his figures pale. His smile was deceptively natural, but fooled only Jessamine, who couldn't be bothered to even look up from her plate to acknowledge him. "Do you feel fine Will? You don't look too well. Could you sleep at all last night?" Charlotte asked, being the mother hen that she was. Will shrugged and said, "Just about," while carefully avoiding looking at Tessa, "But I'm not the only one. Dear James, how late were you up playing your violin, pray tell." Jem chuckled, "Well, I wasn't prowling the corridors at night. And don't tell me you weren't, William, for there is no way you could have heard me from your room." Will raised his hands in defeat. Jem chuckled some more, and spoke no more of the events of the previous night.

Tessa, on the other hand, was curious. Why had Will been wearing down the carpets on the corridors? Even she had had trouble falling asleep and had thought that she'd heard footsteps outside her door, but had been swift to dismiss it as her fanciful imagination. Now, she hoped she had been correct. She really wished it had indeed been Will on the corridor, wanting to enter Jem's room to clear the air between them. It didn't seem like he had though, because the tension hadn't dissipated entirely. But then, if he had neither gone to Jem's room, nor come to hers, then what had he been doing? What could have possessed him?

Tessa was snapped out of her reverie by Jem shaking her shoulder lightly, wry amusement etched into his countenance, "What were you thinking about Tessa?" Charlotte, Henry and Jessamine had left the room and the three of them were the only ones there. Before she could answer him, Will piped up, "Isn't it obvious? She's thinking about me." Tessa's throat dried up. _How did he know?_ Will continued, "We all know that she has been absolutely miserable at keeping to herself away from me." He looked at her now, his lips twisted into a smirk that didn't reach his eyes, "It's alright Tess, I understand." She couldn't believe her ears, couldn't believe that he was actually saying this. Her brow furrowed and her mouth dropped open. Jem, too, was astounded. Clearing his throat, he said, "Now Will, that's taking it a bit too far." Will's smirk only widened, "I don't hear her denying it though. And silence is taken to be the universal sign of agreement, isn't it Tess?"

"You will mind your language when speaking to a lady Will." Jem's voice was quiet, brimming with understated anger.

"Or what Jem?"

"This isn't you. This is not who you are. Why are you sullying your soul by being this vile to Tessa, who is not only a dear friend, but also a guest?"

"Isn't his reason quite evident Jem?" Tessa spoke for the first time since Will's dramatic entrance, "I have told you of his reaction after he found out that I would be staying at the Institute." Will flinched imperceptibly. His eyes held a haunted look for a moment and then, just like that, it was gone. Jem exhaled slowly, "Whatever his reasons, he cannot speak to you, or anyone for that matter, that way. It is unacceptable."

"We both know he's never been one to care about basic niceties. Leave him be." Jem nodded and offered his arm to her, "Let me make it up to you. Come for a walk with me, we have yet to finish acquainting you with London." She took his arm and, together, they left the room and Will.

Will heaved out a sigh. That had been a close call. He had almost caved a couple of times during the interaction. Tessa's disbelieving and disgusted face kept floating in front of his eyes. He flinched again. She had been nothing but sweet and kind to him, always polite, cheerful, calm and wise, quite the opposite of himself. She had a fire, that fact was undeniable. But it was warm and cheery, the kind of flame a kind old man who had never done aby wrong would have in his library. It wasn't like his ire, which raged like an all destroying forest fire. He had disappointed her and Jem. Jem, his sin. The only love he had allowed for, _God Lord,_ five years! The boy in whose eyes alone he had found grace, as he would tell him someday, later. His Parabatai, Jem. Jem, who too felt that he was a repulsive creature. He almost regretted his actions. Almost, but not quite. He kept telling himself that it was the correct thing to do, that it was for the best. He sighed again, before quickly buttering his toast and pouring himself a cup of tea. He'd finish his breakfast fast; there was a certain man he had to meet.


	3. Chapter 3

Jem and Tessa had been walking down the streets of London for the past hour. He'd wanted to take her to the better known parts of the city, but she had insisted on simply ambling around the place with her friend. Her parasol rested on her shoulder as she drank in the bustle around her. A contemplative Jem walked beside, his hands tucked into his pockets. Their light banter and frequent laughter had faded into a companionable silence. He had shown her many of the places that had tied him to Will, including the place in Hyde Park where they had infamously tried to breed cannibal ducks. He was looking a little pale, his breaths coming out ragged. Tessa was extremely worried and asked, "When was the last time you had your medicine Jem?" "After waking up today in the morning," he wheezed out, which was followed by frenzied coughing. "James!" Tessa exclaimed, holding his right bicep in one hand to support his weight, and rubbing the other down his back. "Breathe Jem, breathe deeply," she gently rubbed his back while frantically trying to find her way back to the Institute. By now they had gathered a lot of attention. Travelers on the pavements regarded them with thinly veiled curiosity, some with open excitement. It wasn't everyday that silver-haired boys coughed up blood while their female friends tried to calm them down.

Jem had managed to bring himself under control, but most of his weight was divided between his cane and Tessa's arm, which propped his right bicep. He took a handkerchief out of his waistcoat pocket to clean the corners of this mouth and his chin. "Tessa," he mumbled faintly. At this time a carriage came to a halt beside the pair. The door opened and a blonde green eyes man with a monocle peeped outside. "Well?" asked Woolsey Scott, "Won't you two enter?" Tessa hastily led Jem to the carriage steps and then entered after him, shutting the door after her. The carriage started again.

Woolsey eyed Jem's cane. Jem, catching his glance, moved the silver head of his cane away from the werewolf's knee, who let out a sigh of relief. He procured a small bag from under the seat of the carriage. "Some yin fen was confiscated from the werewolves of my pack. You look like you could use some," he said conversationally as he poured some of the powder into his flask of water and shook it before handing it over to Jem, who took two sips from of it. "Where are we going?" the ever curious Tessa asked. "My house, which Magnus is presently sharing with me," came the cool answer, "It isn't very far from here and the lad could use some rest." Jem smiled gratefully, "Thank you very much." Tessa squeezed his hand gently.

* * *

Will stared at the fire, unresponsive. Magnus regarded the boy in front of him sharply before clearing his throat and saying, "Much as you want me to Will, I cannot allow you to enter the demon realms." The boy looked at him with his wide blue eyes, desperation and helplessness oozing out of every pore in his body. "Magnus you have to," he all but screamed, "I can't go on this way. It kills me every time I see her frown because of me. I can't let her slip away, she's much too precious for that. And, given that she probably doesn't love me, my death will not cause her more grief than that of another acquaintance." His voice caught at the last word. Taking a deep breath, the young man continued, "I shall not be able to live with myself if I don't try this." At this point Magnus said, "Pardon my interjection, but why do you think she doesn't love you?" Will looked him in the eye, "Lucie Manette never loved Sydney Carton."

A familiar voice called out from the doorway of the room, "Oh you silly _silly_ boy!"


End file.
